A few weeks ago I had a conversation with a local journalist about Loop & Lift: how I was diagnosed, how the idea came about, and what it's become. He was kind and genuinely curious, and I felt at ease with him quickly.
We arranged a day to film.
I was excited and nervous in equal measure. My main concern was the tone. Stories about stage 4 can easily become heavy, and that's never been what Loop & Lift is about. I wanted people to see that you can have a diagnosis like mine and still have a life that is full and joyful. I also wanted to reach more people, more donations means more pouches, and more pouches means more patients who don't have to go home without something that actually works for them.
As she has done from day one, Liv didn't hesitate, she dropped everything to be by my side, and the day wouldn't have been the same without her.
The girls were delighted. Being on camera and a slightly later start to the school day went down extremely well.
The team arrived at half eight and immediately put us all at ease. The girls were giddy from the moment they walked in, hilarious and completely themselves, and I think the crew were rather taken with them from the start. The cameraman did some lovely little clips with each of them, and when it came to sitting down with the girls the journalist was so gentle, making sure both of them felt heard and included.
They filmed the morning as it actually was. Breakfast around the table, the school run, Liv walking them in. Later they filmed me sewing and Liv packing up orders, the ordinary rhythm of what we do. Then me and Liv headed to the Macmillan centre at the hospital to deliver some pouches. That entrance is so familiar to me now, as a patient it's somewhere I've walked into more times than I can count, and Jules and Louise are always there to receive you with warmth.
The team were able to capture a pouch being received by a patient, an older man who was genuinely delighted with his. We stepped away for that part. It didn't feel like our moment to be in.
The only thing that felt incomplete was Adam not being there. He'd worked a night shift the night before, he's a firefighter, and it just wasn't possible. Of everything about the day, that was the one thing I wished had been different. Because none of this exists without him. From the very beginning he has given me the confidence to pursue this, to believe it was possible, to keep going when I doubted myself. He and Liv have held this up in ways that don't always get seen, and I felt his absence, even if he wouldn't.
Afterwards, Liv and I went for lunch. We both agreed it had been emotional, in a way that crept up on us. We don't often stop to look back. This illness has been hard in ways that are difficult to put into words, but there has also been a lot of love, connection, and moments that have genuinely surprised me.
What the team produced is something I'll keep forever. Not just for Loop & Lift, but as a record of where we are right now, something my girls can look back on one day. They are so much of the reason this matters.
I'm glad I did it. I'm glad they pushed me.
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